Big monster vs Little monster
by TurboFerret
Summary: There is only one thing Alucard fears, and that makes Seras happy. Yiihaa the next chapter Hellsings adventures in the water amusement park are finally up.
1. Chapter 1

Hey due to the current changes in my family, I was inspired to write this one, enjoy. Oh besides, nephew godson here, I know Integra didn't have siblings.

Always yours: _Morality_

The little bundle slept in the crib, faintly moving.

- „What is that?" Alucard eyed the foreign object suspiciously.

- "Who is it , would be more appropriate, servant."

- "It looks dangerous, would you like me to dismantle it?"

- "The only dismantling you're allowed to do is to change his diaper." Shudder from the elder vampire.

- "Awwww, Sir Hellsing, you have a baby!" Exclaimed Seras, hopping up and down.

- "Can I be the godmother huh? Can I? Can I?"

Walter observed the whole commotion with a mild amusement; the whole scene looked like this. Integral was inspecting baby like the next heap of paperwork, which will need handling, Seras was frolicking with joy, as if her younger sibling was born. However Alucard dreaded to approach the baby, eyeing it as something contaminated or ready to attack.

- "I guess you're concerned." Stated Integra turning to walk out of the room: "I want to meet you both in my office for further instructions."

- "Now I want to make this clear. This child is my nephew. He has arrived this morning, which is why you didn't sense him earlier," Answering Alucards and Seras unspoken question. "He has been sent here for two weeks, because his parents are unable to look after him this moment and there is nobody else whom they would entrust their offspring."

- "This child is not a snack." Significant look at Alucard. "Nor a new toy." look at Seras."He is a member of Hellsing family and has to be treated like one."

"Yes, and another thing," Alucard was dreading to hear this one: "I will probably have little time to take care of him. So I am counting on your help and support."

- "Yeey, I like kids, they're so fun to be with." Stated the younger vampire:" I take the job!"

- "Very well." Integra nodded "And you, Alucard?"

She took the notice that her pet looked even paler than usual and that was a sight to see, he gulped and said through clenched teeth:

- "As my master wishes." and soon disappeared.

- "What has gotten into him?" Seras asked Walter later, since she hadn't seen her master out for a while as if he were avoiding something or someone.

Old butler smirked knowingly: "I guess soon you shall find out yourself, Officer Victoria."

It was another night out; the local werewolf pack had some misunderstandings with Chinese tourists. Seras and her master stood silently for several moments, and she decided to break the silence.

- "So what do you think of the newcomer?"

- "He's fighting well for a human."

- "No, Sir Hellsings nephew."

- "Not different from others."

- "What do you mean by that? "

- "All children are alike."

- "So that is why you don't like them?"

- "Babies are like small daemons, though they are not allowed to be killed, that is the only difference between these obnoxious creatures."

- "Master, are you afraid of children?"

- "I fear nothing, police girl."

- "Oh yeah, then you would be happy to know that you have to give little Adam his evening bubble bath."

- "WHAT? That THING has a name?"

- "Afraid?"

- "No, police girl, if I don't fear it, it doesn't mean I have to like it."

- "C'mon, master, you were a kid yourself once."

- "That is a rather delicate issue."

- "Oh, ok, sorry master. But you should know they are not all that bad."

Alucard gave her a curious look: "You were joking about that bubble bath, right?"


	2. bitter truth

Thank you kindly for your reviews; I have never received so many comments on one chapter, hugz everybody bone – crushin style. I hope this will live up to your expectations.

Ps: I kinda fear little children it is a phobia of some sorts, I guess.

PPS: Little Adam is a bit too smart for his age, I guess, but I haven't been in contact with children his age to really judge; for reasons given above.

Alucard couldn't believe this; his master and Walter had designed a schedule according to which he, Seras, the butler and Integral would look after the child all 24 hours a day. Seras and he had gotten a night shift obviously. The elder vampire was happy, because all human children usually slept during that period. However Seras was frustrated and miserable. He offered to give her his part of the shift, but Integral and Walter protested, since their duties were divided equally.

Fine, six hours couldn't be that bad now could they?

Unfortunately for him, Seras wasn't joking about the bubble bath and the small creature called Adam would have to be bathed by Alucard. She had even given him the "guidelines" how-to-bath-a-child-properly written neatly on the paper. This irritated him to no end.

- "Master, the other thing you should remember . . "

- "Police girl, get out of my room!" He cut her off.

- "B-but master, do you know how to handle a baby?"

- "I have been handling you nicely haven't I?" Seras looked injured.

- "I am NOT a three year old!"

- "What ever, I want to sleep!"

- "But master, you didn't even look through the notes I've written for you."

- "I can read well on my own, now leave me be!"

- "Well fine, just don't go calling me if there is some trouble."

- "Don't worry, I wont."

The door slammed behind Seras, finally some peace and quiet, he yawned and fell asleep.

His time had come, when he woke up, Walter greeted him and instructed in caring after a baby, again, on which Alucard turned a deaf ear.

- "Lord Alucard, are you listening?" Walter asked suspiciously, handing the bathing tools to the vampire. "Here is a sponge, bath-oil, several towels, shower gel and a rubber ducky." The last word made vampire's eye twitch.

- "Yes, Walter, how long is this . . . Integra's nephew staying again?"

- "About a fortnight, but the dates could vary, is there a problem?"

- "No, everything is perfectly fine."

- "Well then follow me to Adam's room; he must be sleeping right now."

If Alucards heart was beating, it would have stopped. The thing looked even eerier in the close-up, it was Alucards statement. Seras opinion was that he looked rather like a little angel. Indeed, healthily pink skin, fluffy, blonde hair characteristic for hellsings and a button for a nose. Then the little pest opened his light blue eyes and looked at both men mischievously.

- "Hello!" The little thing announced beaming at both men.

"_Too cute, must keep composure . . You're vampire, this cannot harm you." _Alucard chanted.

- "Hello there Adam, come, it is time for your evening bath." Walter tuned to the vampire: "Well this is it, the bath is awaiting and I've filled it for you already. Good luck."

- "What was that supposed to mean?" But butler was already gone.

_"Now, how am I about to get it to bath?_" Alucard pondered: _I could carry it, nay; perhaps it walks on its own, hopefully, I should have asked Walter._

- "I am Adam!" The little imp stated.

- "Fine, Adam, now get out of bed."

The baby aped him and stayed in the crib: "Make me!"

- "If you don't get out, the werewolf will carry you away." The vampire really started considering such an option, remembering one werewolf friend of his-Jim.

- "I want a puppy!"

- "Heh, right, when pigs fly."

- "They do?"

- "You'll find out if you follow me."

- "But I want a puppy!"

- "Suit yourself, whether flying pigs or a puppy."

This gave Adam a thought: "I want to see the flying pigs!"

- "Where are they?" the child asked as they arrived at the bath tub.

- "What, who?"

- "The pigs!"

Alucard thought for a moment: "Oh, they . . . they left. You should've been quicker."

Adam pouted: "Then I want an ice cream."

- "Soon I'll scream." Alucard murmured examining the tips Seras had written for him. _Now: a bath - check, water - check, bath–oil – check, sponge – check, child. . .child, oh Adam … where Is Adam?_

From the kid's little hiding-spot, Alucard resembled a wizard, conjuring a potion, its components written on the list, the bathtub being a cauldron. J K Rowling, what are you gonna do. Alucard looked around, not a trace of the so called Adam, when somebody poked him in the back. The vampire turned.

- "Are you a wizard?" Adam questioned, in a demanding manner.

- "No."

- "A redcap?" Glancing at Alucards headdress, which he immediately removed.

- "No."

- "A banshee?" This made Alucard laugh.

- "No"

- "Then you definitely are a dementor!"

- "A what?"

Soon the Midian had no time to dwell on what a "dementor" was anyway, because there were bath utensils flying in his direction. Most of them he dodged, but being big had its vantages and one of them was the big area to aim. Soon a toothbrush collided with his shoulder and a porcelain soapbox reached his knee. When the little weasel was out of ammo he started running down the hall.

When Alucard had reached the little devil, he was being held by Walter.

- "Alucard, your shift isn't over yet and why isn't Master Adam having a bath?" scolded the aged butler.

- "He didn't enable me to give him one."

- "He's working for the _Dark Lord_!" Stated Adam.

- "What is wrong with this kid?"

- "Now, Adam, sir Alucard is working for none other than Sir Integral, your godmother." Walter was trying to act as a mediator between both.

- "I don't believe him!" Adam stated:" he is like Snape!"

- "I ensure you, he isn't" The butler tried.

- "I believe him after he shows me his both forearms!"

- "Alucard, please, do as Adam says."

- "Why should I?" It was Alucards turn to be stubborn.

- "Alucard, don't be childish, I will explain it later to you, deal?" Walter had a headache and wanted to go to bed badly.

- "Fine." He replied showing both forearms to Adam, who looked satisfied.

- "Now go for that bath and don't get yourselves in trouble again!"

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>..

Sinister bathing process in the next chapter.


	3. save the toilet

Sorry about the kids age, but I'm gonna fix it, never worry. :D

Thank YOU everybody for your patience and understanding. This here shows mostly consequences, with little Adam x Alucard here, but well at least I hope you enjoy the wreckage

. Seras knew her turnwould sooncome to look after Adam. When she entered his room, he was nowhere to be seen. _Strange, kids should sleep this late at night. My lord, what if Alucard had done something to the poor child?_ Seras was worried.

_Police Girl, rear end over here, NOW! _It was her master, judging by his tone, Alucard was in bad mood, in other words Adam was unharmed.

Integra was busy with her papers when something small and wet landed on a piece of paper in front of her. She frowned and looked at her leaking ceiling when another drop dripped on her forehead. _What is going on?_ She didn't bother to wake Walter; he was tired from a day out with her nephew. Adam insisted on playing Star Wars with the elderly butler, using broom as a light sword. According to Walter, her nephew was a good swordsman. As a consequence, Integral had to book him a new monocle.

So the Hellsing decided to investigate herself. A thin brook of water led her to the place that was called bath earlier that night. Right now it resembled a marshland. The carpet was wet and squelched under her feet, some of the bathing utensils were scattered in the hallway. What amazed her was a trail of toothpaste and other spots of unknown origin adorning the wall, some resembled cave paintings. Integra quickened the pace_. Alucard, I will make you clean this all up by your bare hands!_ Soon she heard splashing, growls and Seras voice, partly amused and worried.

- "Master, no way I am doing THAT!" Integra was confused.

- "Do what you're told Police girl, my hand won't fit!"

- "Oh, it is so deep, try pushing harder."

- "I think it is stuck!"

- "WWHAT? Come master, we can't leave it there, what if somebody sees us?"

Integra reached the half opened door, having the most awful thoughts on her mind. First she was startled at what she saw and stood there for moments with her mouth ajar.

Alucard was soaking and Seras was half way there but the most terrifying view was her pet monster crunched over the water- closet, his hand stuck shoulder high in it and her nephew frowning at the toilet-bowl. It was all that not to mention the amount of water that had left now almost empty bathtub which was now flooding the most of the floor.

- "What in the blazes is going on here!" That caught the attention of the rooms occupants. Integral didn't know whether to laugh or get angry, although her faithful pet had caused some plumbing problems related to his arm; he was caught in the most embracing position EVER. In favor of the kids' ears, she started laughing, hard at that.

- "Alucard, if I knew of your hobby, I would have saved tons on plumbing services."

- "Master, do you mind? It is my shift now." Alucard growled.

- "Oh I couldn't neglect the consequences of your shift spoiling my ceiling. "

- "I never knew what a "Moby Dick" is."

- "Now he does." Seras giggled and earned a glare from her master.

- "Fine Alucard, finish what you're doing. I expect to see you in my office when your shift is over. Oh and be so kind and take care of the mess in this floor when you're done." Alucard felt like roaring. _Yep, she's gonna shout at me. _

After a moment of rummaging inside the toilet, he produced the rubber ducky.

- "There," he said looking at his fledgling, "Happy?"

Neext chapter is the explanation of what had happened from Alucard s point of the view.


	4. Mission Adam

Thanks for your patience, hugz everyone bonecrushin style. I have some good news and some bad news. The good news is, Im working on Adams age problem and thanks to your vise suggestions, he will become a 7 year old, rapidly. :D The bad news is I dont know how soon I will be able to update again.

PS: I soon will have my graduation exams, keep fingers crossed for me , please.

Forever yours Morality

* * *

Seras blinked as Integra left the room, her low chuckles echoing in the hallway. It was during moments like these when she started thinking how alike her master and Lady Hellsing really were. 

- „She is scary". Stated Adam.

Both vampires turned their attention to the kid.

- "Well, it is your shift, Police girl, enjoy yourself". Alucard tossed her the rubber ducky and disappeared. He was delighted to hear her scream moments later; she had remembered that it was rescued from a toilet moments ago.

- "You wanted to see me master? "

- "Yes, I have some new instructions to you right after you tell me what had had caused so much damage during your shift." Alucard hesitated on the choice of words, he was too proud to swear like a bargee. Integra felt being too obliging that night.

- "All right, I guess I know, at least tell me what happened."

- "Master, it is a rather embarrassing story."

- "Alucard, you start to frighten me."

- "How so?"

- "You are anything but easily embarrassed."

- "Let's say I don't like children too much."

- "By the way, did you wash your hands?"

- "No. why did you ask?"

- "Just checking, fine now on with your report, I want to get some sleep tonight."

- "It is a rather long."

- "Oh, just start already! You're beginning to annoy me more than usual." Integra snapped impatiently.

- "As you wish master. When we arrived in the bathroom, your nephew showered me with bathing utensils after taking me for a dementosomething, then he escaped the bathroom but luckily Walter caught him before he could hide. Your relative took the advantage of toothpaste and other fluids to adorn the walls on his way. I never figured out the point of it, but I guess it was to repel me." Integra suppressed a chuckle, _little smart brat_.

- "When Walter left, I escorted Adam back to the bathroom and he bit me and called me a pedophile when I wanted to help him get into the bathtub. Right after he had gotten in, he announced that the whole room was a non poacher territory and declared that I looked like one. Chanting "save the whale" he tried to perform some kind of a ritual dance inside the bathtub that involved water and the rubber ducky, thus covering me and the rest of the bathroom in foam."

- "Enough, now tell me why you couldn't discipline him?"

- "But Master you didn't allow me to release the power restraints and you also said he wasn't a snack, I cannot tame him if I'm not allowed to be what I am." Integral frowned; the day already was too long.

- "Good, then I see why you had called Officer Seras. But pray tell what were you doing groping down in the sewage?" Aluacrds spirits fell.

- "Master, do I have to? It was a rather embarrassing experience."

- "Damn it! Alucard, stop acting like prima donna and face it like a man!" After that he gave Integra the saddest big eye dog stare he could muster, and she started pondering whether he was kidding or serious, she decided the latter- _too obliging again,already two times this night -_ she thought.

- "Perhaps tell me of your motives?"She continued with a sigh.

- "Well during all the commotion, the rubber ducky was stuck in the water closet. As it wasn't the Police girl's shift, I had to extract it myself not to cause any plumbing problems. I couldn't use my shadows in front of the child."

Integra wanted to laugh out loud when Alucard had finished, the formality of his report almost surpassed Walters pedant approach_. I wish he reported his missions like that._

Alucard on the other hand wasnt amused at all.

- "Master, I am a warrior not a babysitter, Police Girl can take care of him, as for me, I d rather fight for both of us."

- "Perhaps I will review your suggestion, but dont cherish your hopes. Youve done well not to show yous abilities in front of the child, the same goes to Officer Seras, I expect you to inform her. If you have nothing else to report, you may feel free for the rest of the evening."

Alucard disappeared from the room to enjoy the rest of the night in Adam-free conditions.

* * *

Next chapter might envolve batman snickers 


	5. Batman arrives

So, tis me , again, I am glad to announce I have completed two countries diagnostical tests, and what is the most important, my first exam (it was English)One done, six to go.YEEEY just to celebrate this wonderful occasion I decided to submit another chapter, enjoy

PS: Thank you all for your kindest words and best luck wishes I am ever so grateful for that.

Permanently yours,

Morality

* * *

Adam was hiding in the garden. The hide and seek idea worked well with Seras, he could explore the surroundings of the mansion. He wanted adventures and everything that came with them – a dream of any boy his age. It was night outside and the mansion was silent, dark and frightening. Distant sounds of rushing soldiers echoed from the barracks. Adam was approaching the source of the noise when two small arms caught him by shoulders. 

- "Gocha!" Seras exclaimed happily. Integra's nephew was a good player and a nosy one too. He had wandered too close to the forbidden territory.

- "Come, Adam, we're heading home for some milk and cookies!" Seras tried to pull him in another direction, but the kid was stubborn

- "What is that noise over there?" She tried to think of the most boring thing for the kid to loose interest.

- "There is the . . . the book lover's society convention!"

- "But they're noisy, not like in library. That sounds fun." Seras gulped

- "Oh, no, no, no, they're just beginning and soon will settle down and be quiet and unfun."

- "Can we still stay and watch?"

- "They don't like being disturbed."

- "But I'll be quiet as a mouse, scout's honor!"

Young vampires was desperate, she had been able to keep the good relationship with the man child and didn't want to spoil it.

- "Oh, look, Adam, there's an UFO!" The kid turned around gasping in surprise, only then did Seras comprehend her mistake.

- "Whoa!" Adam exclaimed:" That's somethin wicked!" what he saw was a swarm of bats, flying in a strange, creepy order. However what Seras saw, was far more terrifying. Apparently, her master had decided to go for a flight on a wrong night. Then they reformed into a familiar shape. _Oh no, we're doomed._

_- Such bad thoughts before dawn, fledgling?_

_- Master HE saw you!_

_- Oh!$#(crap)!$_

_- Such language, it's a good thing he can't hear that._

_- What's wrong with it?_

_- Oh just disappear before he gets hyper._ That was too late; Adam was heading forward at full speed. Luckily the master vampire disintegrated into mist and all the little boy was left with, was thin air

- "Oh, that was so cool! Do you have flying saucers too?" Seras was relieved, but remembering Integra's last anger outburst she said.

- "No, only flying ink-wells." Adam eyed her seriously,

- "Are you sure?"

- "Definitely." Seras chuckled at her little joke.

- "I want to see, I want to see."

- "Trust me, you don't." Seras was silently hoping, Adam didn't recognize her master. "Now how's about that milk and cookies?"

- "Yeeey!" Adam approved and scooted towards the entrance of mansion. Seras had to admit, that if she was still human, she wouldn't be able to catch-up with him.

With an excited scream of "Geronimoo!" Adam and Seras burst into the kitchen to catch Integra in the act of making tea, herself.

- "How was the night, Officer Victoria?" The Hellsing asked politely.

- "I and Adam had a lot of fun." Seras replied removing milk from the refrigerator.

- "Uh-oh," came a muffled sound from Adam who was now exterminating cookies. Both women gazed at him for a while; he really was pretty damn cute, when steady. Noticing all the gazes were directed at him, he just felt he had to say something necessary, and he remembered what he wanted to say. He turned to Integra and asked.

- "Do you know you're married to a Batman?" Integra almost spat her tea out; Sera's eyes were wide as dinner plates. _Where does he come up with that stuff?_As if on cue, Alucard appeared in the kitchen. Adam turned to him cheerfully.

- "Uncle Al! Have you dried already?" Alucard cast him a disdainful look and headed to the fridge without a word. However, the little boy continued.

- "You and auntie Integra are married, right?" The vampire stopped in mid step, but Integra was quicker.

- "Why, Adam, what makes you think so?"

- "Well you are a woman and he is a man." The explanation was impossible, Integra sighed with relief.

- "Sorry to disappoint you, Adam, but **uncle **(she accented the word) Al would be the last person in the universe I would marry." Alucard frowned at that.

- "But he's a superhero!"

- "Oh really?"

- "Yes, he's a Batman; I saw his bats and him outside tonight!"

- "He's a hero all right." Retorted Integra grimly glancing at her pet, who was smirking.

- "I am?" the vampire questioned mockingly.

- "Zip it!"

* * *

Sorry for such an ending, but I dont like my chapters too long, they are difficult to read that way. That is why Ill give Integral and Alucard more time to work out their differences in the next chapter. 

Sayonara till then 


	6. Night night UPDATED

Hokay, now dont get me wrong, some evil person whom I despize with all my heart, had stolen my notebook, where some essential parts of this chapter have been recodred and I had to recreate some stuff.As you have already guessed, I have retrieved my beloved notebook and filled the missing info, so sorry for you to read this over again, but I assure youit is worth it.

PS: Thank you for your patience, all people who rewiew and read.

Wishing all fellow graduating writers good luck,

Morality

* * *

Integra was sleeping, her even breaths gradually turning into puffs of steam, like human breath in winter. The room thermometer read three degrees below freezing point. She cuddled into her cowers, grimaced, but soon woke up shivering due to the change of temperature. Her blue eyes registered two gleaming coals next to her bed. Integra took her glasses and frowned. In front of her stood her vampire, clad in his black silk night suit with small crimson bats all over it. 

"Alucard, do you intend to freeze me to death or just wake me up?"

"Neither, Master, I came to ask your permission."

"Permission to what?"

"May I sleep in your quarters tonight?"

"What! That is unthinkable!"

"But master, your nephew won't let me."

"Oh now what did you both do."

"Not me, him."

"Fine, I'm not getting any younger, state your point."

"Well, you do remember he called me a batman?"

"Yes, and?"

"He had been following me around the house all day, I mean, night, and whining for me to show him my bat mobile!"

"And what did you do?"

"I went to my chamber to sleep, but apparently he found a way to it and started banging on the door." That made Integra serious

"Don't tell me you let him in."

"I didn't, but I couldn't rest, that is why I came here, I know he wouldn't trouble you." Integra chuckled, this could be blackmail for later, but now she really wanted to sleep.

"All right, you may stay, somewhere, if it makes you feel better." Integra turned in her bed and was preparing to sleep her fill, when she heard her bed springs creak and her mattress bend.

"Darn, what are you doing vampire?"

"Isn't it obvious, I don't see any other bed here?"

"If I said you can stay, I didn't mean you could occupy my bed!"

"We will be merely bedfellows." Alucard informed seriously. „I would never harm you." Integra groaned.

"You're such a leech!" She sat on her mattress cross-legged and so did her servant

"Thank you, master!" He grinned at her in earnest cheer.

"But there are some rules you have to follow if you want to stay in my sack." The vampire looked at her in astonishment,

"A leader even in bed? I feel sorry for your future husband."

"You can leave any time if you don't like something."

"Oh, master, I'm all alive." He returned, making a joke of it.

"Now that I have your attention – there will be no jostling and no pushing, this is my half, and that is yours. You are to stay on your side of the bed." Alucard nodded: "Secondly, no blanket snatching and snoring, got it?"

"Is that all, master?"

"Just don't disturb me!"

"May I inquire?"

"You already have." She grunted and turned to face him.

"What if you do it, master?" Alucard sneered.

"Who is your master, Alucard?" Vampire's face was blank.

"I listen and obey."

"Good." She returned with the smirk of her own and dozed off.

An hour later Integra awoke curled up in a ball on the edge of the bed and without a blanket. She frowned and looked at her reposing pet, so peaceful; he slept like a baby, stretched over her bed. She turned to face him, gently leaned to his ear and whispered

"Alucard."

"Yes, master."

"Give me back my blanket!" He bolted up in shock.

"Sheesh, all you had to do is ask."

"Ok, now I'm asking you to get your cold, abnormally long legs out of my bed-half. Youre cold as a fish!"

"Oh master, but my legs are just fine and quite eye-catching, I dare say."

"Yeah, catwalk waits."

"Don't hate me coz I'm beautiful." He smirked, settling down again, Integra hit him with the pillow in response.

"And I thought you had forbidden fighting in the bed."

"It's mine, so I make the rules." Alucard gave her the "oh yeah?" look and showed her out of the bed with both of his legs. The look of astonishment crossed her features and she cursed when she collided with the floor.

"My, master you really do swear like a limey." He had propped himself on both elbows and now was smirking at her from above. The vampire did realize he had infuriated his master, but that didn't stop him from continuing.

"You know, you need to get lain badly?" To that, Integra stood up, took him by the nape and particularly dragged out into hallway; he never thought the woman had such strength.

"And stay out!" she shouted and shut her door. Only now did he notice that some housemaids which were doing the early cleanup were snickering about him. No doubt, the whole house would know what he wore to bed till the end of the day.

* * *

**Another important piece of information **wanna see Alucard in bat pajamas? go to deviantart and find the pick named AL iS having a break by veesajaunava and youll see 

In the next chapter some of the revenge plans will take action, including your beloved character - Adam, I guess you already know whos gonna suffer. Anyways

**AN IMPORTANT PIECE OF INFORAMTION**

I am planning to write an alternative universe story which will include Integra, Al, Walter and perhaps some other characters from manga. This will be happening in Dark ages, Integra being a maraduer and the whole storry is about how Alucard started serving Hellsing.


	7. Curiosity killed the cat

Guess what? I ve accomplished my Math exam, and the worce thing is, the answers will be known only on the 10 th of JULY! Yes, Im so busted, and queasy about the affair.OK still, I have finished 3 exams and another 3 to go, going not as bad as I thought.

This particular chapter is an introduction to a very embarrasing one that is all info I can reveal by now. Hope, youll enjoy that.

Slightly queasy,

Morality

* * *

After happy 18 hours Alucard was grouching, his shift had arrived again, he was jealous of Integra, the little monster slept during her shift and part of Walter's. And to spice it all up, the butler had refueled the child with several bowls of cereal and now the little imp was ready to torment the vampire again. The worse thing was, Seras had left for a mission and he had to miss all the fun because of a freaky brat which kept calling him batman. 

He paced the halls grumbling to himself, However he didn't find Integra's nephew anywhere inside the house. Instead he spotted Adam sitting on the front wall of the gates, legs dangling, looking in the direction of Integra's office window through a binocular. He almost looked like a golden figurine in the rays of setting sun.

_This kid really has a strange day regimen, he should be preparing for bed right now_. Alucard had asked Integra about the strange behavior of her godson, all she could say, was he hadn't adjusted to the change of time zones yet. Still vampire thought it was strange. _Children these days . . . . _He trailed off.

The rays of setting sun weren't that annoying, he might as well take a walk.

- "What are you doing Adam?" Alucard really was curios. He also looked in the same direction the kid did.

- "Watching out for flying ink – wells, batman. Seras said they usually appear outside auntie's office." The vampire allowed himself one of his dark chuckles.

- "My you really have a sinister laugh for someone who wears pajamas with small bats all over them." Stated Adam casually. This statement deserved one wink and blink from Alucard. Now he turned to him

- "How did you get to know about that?"

- "The strange, blonde girl told me."

- "Seras?"

- "No the other one, which follows Seras around. She had a braid and an eye patch."

- "Pip?" Alucard was stunned by a suddenly calm demeanor of the child, he really was a freak.

- "Oh, yeah, I thought it was a strange name." Adam replied, his gaze still glued to Integra's window.

- "But, he's a man, you know." The kid now turned to face the vampire.

- "I don't believe you. Why is his hair long?"

- "The length of the hair doesn't define the gender. Tell me, did you think I was a girl too?"

- "Yes." The jaw of our beloved nosferatu dropped.

- "Then why did you address me like a man?"

- "I asked Walter." Adam shrugged and returned his look to Integra's office.

- "OK. Then what gender Integra is?" The boy turned again in his seat and watched Alucard with wide eyes.

- "To be honest, I don't know." A thought entered vampires mind and he grinned evilly.

- " I can go and ask her." He offered playfully,because atruly sinister idea crossed his mind and it was perfect for the occasion.

- "Yeey! Let's do it now." Some of Adam's common cheer returned.

Walter couldn't hide a smile when he saw Alucard pacing across the yard and Adam following him closely. There sure will be more mess tonight; there is no knowing of what they'll do when they're both together.

When they were just outside Integra's door, Alucard stopped abruptly, and Adam ran straight into him. The vampire faced Adam, who nearly exclaimed

- "You've got red ey…." The boy was cut off by nosferatus palm.

- "Shush, do you want to disturb your auntie, you know she's busy." Alucard whispered and received a nod from the child. "Good, now I will go in there and you shall remain hidden behind the door." Another nod from Adam.

The vampire inhaled like a student before entering the examination class and walked into Integra's office, while her nephew observed him wide eyed. The door shut and all he heard was muffled voices.

- "Good evening master, tis a fine evening isn't it?" Integra was in a strange mood but decided to make fun of her servant; after all due to him she hadn't slept her fill.

- "What now? Do I have to shoo a monster away from your coffin? Honestly, Alucard I thought you were over the fear of the dark."

- "You're in a mood for jokes, I must be lucky, master, but I still have a question for you. What gender are you?" She almost swallowed her cigar.

- "What, are you out of your mind vampire or that's just the effect of children upon you?"

Steadily Integras voice grew louder, behind the wooden door, Adam had noticed the change and soon Alucard exited the room.

- "Did she tell you?"

- "No she didn't."

- "Now what will we do?"

- "I have an idea. Would you like to know?"

- "Sure! Flying ink – wells aren't all that fun."

- "Good, but I will want something in return."

- "You name it!"

- "You will not call me by any othernamebut my own."

- "You mean Al . . , Alu . . , Alucard?" He stressed. „It is a difficult name. I'll call you uncle Al."

- "Anything but demeanor."

- "Dementor." Adam corrected.'

- "Yes, whatever."

- "Now tell me how are we gonna find out?"

- "Have you ever heard about polls?"

- "What is a poll?"

- "The poll is a summary of collective opinion on the subject, in other words we ask everybody and the most popular answer should be the correct one."

- "But that is a good idea, but also a great lot of work."

- "Don't worry, I will help and we may as well find out several other things like why is she so stressed and unhappy and furthemore, how to cure it."

- "OOO that is definitely a good idea."

Several days later Walter was astonished, first of all, Alucard had taken over the most of Adam's shifts which, of course was extremely convenient, and suspicious as well. The next strange thing was that the vampire tamed such wild, exotic beasts like PC, printerand Xerox. Seras even asked what her master was up to, but he as well as Adam kept saying such enigmatic things like "you'll see" and it "is a surprise".

* * *

Poor poor Integra, not even imagining whats floating her way next chapter will be the precise comy of the sinisterpoll 

Ps what didyou think about my idea for the next fic?


	8. The sinister poll

Firs of all thanks for the nice rewiews, hugz Nagini Moon Godess. Ok everybody of you peole who had been avaiting the arival of the EVIL poll, may sigh with relief, it has arrived,

PS:you can fill it if you want to and send me, every vote counts.

Politically yours,

Morality

* * *

- "Auntie, I made the project of why you're unhappy. We've even made a poll and con – consi - considered the best actions!" Adam mastered cheerfully. 

- "That was curious." Alucard finished with a smirk, perfect revenge. Integra took the file and suspiciously eyed both.

- "Fine, I might go through it when I have some more time." she replied warily. "I see you and Adam have worked your matters through."

- "I guess we have, but this is only a part of it, we will make the presentation later, now you should get acquainted with the poll, every soldier in your troops has filled it." Alucard ensured. With a sigh, Integra took the few sheets of paper and her eyes widened as she read.

THE POLL

This poll was designed to reveal the true source of unhappiness in our beloved leader, please encircle your answer. There can be only one answer to each question._This is confidential, your personality won't be revealed.

* * *

_

1 Who is Integra Fairbrook Wingates Hellsing further in poll - IFWH?

a) A postman

b) A leader of a top secret organization

c) I don't know (if you choose this, there is no need for you to continue this poll and you're a hopeless moron)

d) other ……… Who?

2 What gender IFWH IS?

a) male

b) Female

c) Sexless

d) Transsexual

3 According to you IFWHs sexual orientation is?

a) heterosexual

b) Homosexual

c) Necrophile

d) Does she have one?

4 You can describe IFWH as

a) angry

b) Scary

c) Busy

d) All mentioned above

5 IFWH mood is

a) edgy

b) Explosive

c) bad

d) IFWH's not human

6 What would cheer IFWH up?

a) Good rest

b) A man

c) Good rest with a man

d) A lay

7 What would you do if you were in IFWH place? 

a) Hang myself

b) Leave it to somebody else

c) Do it like IFWH does

d) Other . . . . . . What?

8 Do you think IFWH needs a personality makeover? 

a) Yes and badly

b) No IFWH is fine

c) A knee length skirt and heels would do

d )Nothing can change IFWH (don't answer the next question)

9 What could change IFWH?

a) a man

b) A woman

c) An animal

d) New hobby

10 Your sexual orientation?

a) heterosexual

b) Homosexual

c) Bisexual

d) Necrophile

11 Your blood type

a) A+

b)B+

c) A-

d) B-

e) AB +

f)AB-

Thank you for your cooperation

* * *

- "Oh how nice Adam, I can't help to think you've gotten some help from Alucard here." Integra glared daggers at Alucard who exchanged glances with Adam. 

- "I just wrote it all down on the PC. Most of it was Adam's idea really." Vampire replied shyly.

- "Adam, could you please leave us for a moment, I want to have a word with Uncle Al here." Young Hellsing asked politely.

- "Are you gonna shout at him?" Adam questioned earnestly. Integra was flabbergasted.

- "What makes you think so?"

- "Mom always says the same thing, when she's angry at dad."

- "Oh don't worry; I merely want to discuss some businesses, nothing too serious." She lied. Adam looked at both of them, Alucard smiled knowingly at him, the boy returned the smirk and left.

- "It is not good to lie, master." The vampire smirked; he was itching to say that.

- "Just what do you think you're doing, Alucard?" Integra appeared as if she had not heard his remark.

- "Passing my time with your nephew, nothing out of ordinary, I guess." He retorted smiling.

- "What about all this nonsense?"

- 'He needs to be occupied with something creative, I'm merely helping."

- "And who's idea was it!"

- "As I said, master, Adams, I merely helped, he's a smart kid. Besides, if you're fuming at this, what will happen when you see our presentation?"

- "What about it?"

- "We're planning to announce the results."

- "Puh-lease and you think that it would be more embarrassing than this?"

- "You'll see, and I gladly inform, this is only a part of our research." An evil grin appeared upon Alucards face, it couldn't mean something good.

- "Alucard, I forbid you to make any public actions until I see and verify your work."

- "As you wish, master." His grin was impossibly wide.

Alucard reappeared on the second floor and bumped into Adam there.

"Did she agree to see what we've done?" Adam questioned eagerly

"I didn't leave her any other choice." Alucard chuckled.

"Yess, good job!" The kid answered grinning widely.

* * *

Yep lil Adam is a tough cookie, much tougher than I first imagined and poor, poor Integra doesn't even know what's coming her way, when both monsters join forces. 

Alucard: "Guess who had added the question about blood types and that necrophilia part?" (Unholy laughter)


	9. Shopping with a deadman

Well hello there gues whos back Ive finally gotten some time to write this down. Soo Ive made this chapter long and nice, enjoy, sorry for waiting and thank you for patience.

Forever studying

Morality 

Alucard was casually striding around the mansion and enjoying his time off. Police Girl had finally bagged her part in watching over Adam from him, it was a good change he figured. Their project had stopped for some days, Adam and Alucard had both agreed they had to rest from it for a while. As for the vampire himself, he thought he should spend some time alone to re – charge, as he called it.

- „No, Walter, please, I don't want to." a feminine voice begged. That caught his attention.

- "Integra, Adam really wanted to go and I couldn't think of a better godmother – nephew time spending." _Was she really begging?_

- "But you know I don't like it in the least."

- "You've conquered bigger fears than this, take master Alucard for example."

- "But he's just a bloodthirsty monster; however THAT is much more terrifying."

Alucard truly wanted to know what would be more terrifying than him so he continued listening.

- "Walter I even haven't got proper attire."

- "You can always purchase one; you really should go out for some fun, Integra."

- "Easy for you to say, I hate shopping malls or anything that involves marketing and I have no time for this."

- "Integra, you must go, every leader needs his rest now and then."

- "But not in the water amusement park."

- "Yes, and you're taking Seras with you. She also needs a swimsuit; I'm not sure about Alucard yet. "

-"What? You're not telling me I must take them too!"

- "Adam begged for their presence, the lad likes them I guess. He's leaving in four days after all"

Integra grumbled. That took Alucard by shock; he'd been quite used to the little imp and their project was still unfinished.

- "When is the shopping trip?"

- "This afternoon madam."

- "That is irritating."

- " I'll inform Miss Seras about it."

The noon was cloudy and so was Integras mood. She couldn't say she'd been waiting for that moment to come, still she said loudly. " Alucard, my office, right now." And then she waited – 5 minutes, she drummed her fingers on the desk – 8 minutes _Darn, where is that god damned bloodsucker!_ - 10 minutes he was standing in front of her, slightly sleepy.

- " Darn, what took you?"

- " Master it is midnight by Nosferatu standards and I was sleeping by the way."

- " Good, I have a question for you." Alucard eyed her meanwhile trying to decide whether to tell her there was nothing good in being woken up or show more interest towards the following question which was the reason why he was awake. However he decided to stay silent.

- " Do you have a swimsuit?" It seemed surreal, perhaps it was a dream. He pinched himself discreetly, it hurt thus it was reality.

- " Wake up moldy locks, I asked you a question." Alucard raised one sleepy eyebrow.

- " I don't think so, master, is it that important?" He suppressed a giant yawn

- " Yes It sealed your fate." Two not too sleepy eyebrows arched.

- " You mean you're going to release me because I don't have a swimsuit?" He asked hopefully

- " Don't be ridiculous, I'm taking you to a shopping mall in 2 hours so get ready."

Alucard eyed her in disbelief has she gotten too much tea recently? On the other hand, it was quite an opportunity to get revenge on the bat pajamas and other things. A devious grin appeared on his face.

- " Understood, master."

Two hours later Adam pranced down the grand steps humming cheerfully when he saw three persons in the entrance hall. It was a quite worried Integra, excited Seras and grim Alucard.

- " Auntie Walter told me everything! Now I know of uncle Al and Seras!" Integra turned pale. Walter, how could he?

- " Walter told me we're going to the mall." Two persons released a sigh of relief the third one payed no mind to anything, sleep was all he wanted. The boy hopped around like a bunny cheering loudly. " I'm gonna get the slimy space alien action figure with real slime!" Then he hummed the melody from the TV series of space alien invasion.

An hour later in the traffic jam Four persons sat in the car and only one was as cheerful as in the beginning. Adam was fidgeting in his seat asking questions, Seras was trying to explain them to him, within reason. Alucard was trying to get some sleep and Integra was banging her forehead on the wheel.

- " How can feet smell if they don't have a nose?" Integra took a detour to the shopping mall

- " How do they get the filling inside a caramel?" A red light on the left turn.

- " Why do potatoes explode in the microwave oven?" only 100 yards to the parking

- " Is there a North – South direction?" Integra had trouble finding a free place to park.

- " They say that truth is out there in X-files but where exactly?" Finally they stopped.

Integra got out of the car, her "civil" attire was ruffled from the long ride and she hated the fact. Seras climbed out of the passenger seat and opened a giant, blue Sunshade to block out the hazardous rays. Alucard payed no mind to anything and simply left the car, which was a bit too small by his standards. Adam however reminded a bee that was buzzing around the trio excitedly.

So they went to the giant building and Alucard as well as Integra regretted coming. They passed various coffee shops, and bars, Adam managed to get lost three times but was miraculously found at the toy store every time. When they finally reached the swimsuit department, Seras and Adam were both begging for some extra time to go to some shops they noticed along the way.

- " Ok but only if we hurry up." Integra stated in a motherly tone, kids really wasn't her profession.

" No problem, auntie!"the boy went to the salesperson and chirped in his boyish voice, trying to sound cool - " Uncle Al and those two chicks over there need swimming undies!" The most of the customers turned to look at the people Adam told about. It was the first time Seras saw her master blush. Integra rubbed the bridge of her nose when the salesperson went to her in an obliging way they usually do and started offering various kinds of swimsuits, then another one attacked Seras, she cooperated cheerfully, and the last shop assistant regretfully approached now irritated Alucard. He reminded a sleepy bear when the woman introduced him to the world of speedos, sporty G-strings and thongs.

Slowly sleepiness was replaced by utter shock when woman offered him the napkin – like articles. He arched an eyebrow and gave the salesperson a quizzical look. -" I'm not wearing that." He stated, casting a disgusted look at a pair of pants.

- " Oh, but they're the latest fashion, sir."

- " They could have even been transported from the future, I don't care, but I'm not wearing that offending piece of clothing. I have an image to keep up you know."

- " Don't tell me you're shy." Sounded the voice from the dressing room.

- " Well you at least don't have to trust a tiny shred of clothes to guard your dignity."

- " Oh don't I?" And then she emerged from the changing room clad in a dark blue velveteen bikini with decorative elements made of horn plates. Alucard looked at her for a moment, then shook himself swiftly _Shes master, a gorgeous woman or not, but still master. _Then he glanced at the men in the shop that kept gaping at her, well ok most of them were drooling over Seras that showed off her suits to Adam, he liked the polka dotted one, however Integra...

- " Hurry up will you?" He sighed and entered the small space. He didn't see himself in the mirror, but put the trunks on anyway, after some struggle, they were tight as hell, he cursed under his breath. Meanwhile the irritated Integra and amused Seras were waiting outside, observing how the cabin shook. Finally the curtain opened revealing Alucard in his full glory. All of the stores female occupants turned to have a better view. He wasn't skinny, he was just lanky but certainly attractive, his man hair disappearing in thin line just before navel. Noticing the attention he got, he smiled deviously, then bent to Integras ear and said

- " I'm feeling naked, can we please leave?"

- " If these trunks are to your liking, then we will leave, but don't forget that you'll be wearing them tomorrow." Alucard gave one girl a wink to what she blushed and giggled.

- " I think Ill manage."

continuation follows 

So there I received many answers on the poll some chapters before "the sinister poll" but please be more active, every answer counts, you can be sure of that so cmon a little poll has never hurt anybody. Imagine, you can take part in the creating of the storry oh work with me will you? And I promise Ill post more often :P


	10. The game of pool

Hello everyone, Guess whos back!!! Ok I have some major apologies for everyone who was expecting this chapter sooner, but I had a thing entering my life- academy - so, yeah. I got dragged away from this story and finally couldnt persuade myself to start writing it again, however I hate leaving my tasks unfinished. I will finish this story no matter what, I swear.

Sincerely yours:

Morality

* * *

Dear diary, 

Today was the most eventful day in some 3 months or so, I must admit. Personal note: Never EVER wear contacts. Where should I start, oh, yes, the trip to the Aqua park

Sir Integra, me and the explosive couple worth two As (Alucard +Adam) arrived at the place. We parted at the locker-rooms, Integra regretted she wasn't a man and couldn't join her nephew, to make sure everything went well. Integra had granted them 10 minutes to get ready, if not, she promised to raid the mans lockers and hunt every Alucard-type person down. Master asked if they could do the same thing to the girl's lockers if Integra was late. She only glared at him and said that if he'd release another smar-ass remark, she'd personally make sure he drank the big pool dry. That sort of dampened his moods, I guess.

OK, the water amusement park was SUPER!! It was soo great, geesh all those racing tubes and waterfalls and fountains and everything.

OK back to the lockers – Well – we got dressed and everything, but Sir Integra kept complaining that bikinis were so skimpy there was no place left in them for weapons and ammo. Well, she's a warrior, I guess. I had to talk her out of leaving the hip gun-holster on though. Well, it would look suspicious wouldn't it? Besides, water would damage the gun and so on. Finally she agreed that she was being paranoid and she had Master with her after all, who was late for that fact. Luckily she dismissed me. Soon I saw a sight that stunned me – my master in a spring suit. And no ordinary one – his suit resembled one of those dominant in men fashion during 1920s, with horizontal black and white stripes. Frankly, he resembled a zebra mattress, however I wasn't the only stunned one. Sir Integra was speechless. When she asked where he'd gotten that monstrosity, he replied, he didn't want to humiliate himself, walking naked in public. Still we didn't get to know how he got that piece of clothing. Integra stated if "that"wasn't humiliating, then what on earth was. Mental note- Master and Sir Integra, among others, have general misunderstandings when it comes to tastes. Adam said that "uncle AL looks like a prisoner of Azcaban" and pushed them both into water.

You know, I newer knew Integra couldn't swim. I thought that she was a superwoman – capable of anything, but it just goes to show you that nobody's perfect. Anyways there were two screaming persons in the pool then – My Master and my Master's master. Well, I understood why Integra was screaming, she was a head shorter than Master and where he could stand calmly – she had to swim, and she couldn't. As Master informed me later – the chlorinated water burnt his eyes, and Sir Integra was splashing all the time. Well, I can't blame him. His eyes were bloodshot when he got out. Adam gave him his goggles. Master looked funny, you know – yellow goggles with mickey-mouse print. Luckily Adam had taken a floating ring with him, which Integra took gratefully. Not to mention Alucard grinned from ear to ear, seeing his helpless master. I bet he'll taunt her to no end about it. Although I don't know who looked sillier – my master in his swim-tights and goggles, or Sir Integra clutching an air bladder.

As for me, well, I had some general fun walking around with a legion of drooling men tailing after me. Well, it is fun, as long as they keep their hands to themselves, some didn't and got themselves a broken nose, the tail of fans shrunk, when Adam attacked me and dragged to the racing tubes, it disappeared completely. Oh praise the kid, they were becoming annoying.

OK OK THIS needs a separate chapter.

My master in the water amusement park.

1 – The tubes.

I never knew people could get stuck there, but on the other hand, Master isn't human. He blamed the silly gnomes who built those tubes to fit their size. He forgot to mention that he was taller than any average person. When the tube was clogged with some 5 humans + my master, Sir Integra allowed him to use his shadows and get out. I don't know what happened there, but he swore he would never go there again.

2 – The jacuzzi

Hm, well, all I can say my master knows how to lounge. Even with his ridiculous swimsuit he managed to get quite a crowd of female admirers. I got jealous, I ADMIT, all those silly women sighing every time he said something as if each his word was a discovery to them. Stupid girls, dammit, if only they knew how sexy he looked when massacring all those ghouls and chipped vampires. But I'm the only one who knows that, _insert triumphant, evil laughter, _yeah, they'd probably run away screaming if they knew. But, I'm afraid to admit I like that. OOOKKK this is far too much, I mean, I d curl up in a solarium if anyone, scratch that, my Master found this – he'd be the only one who would have the nerve to look through other peoples diaries.

3 – Integra is being taught to swim by Master.

Sir Integra was floating merrily on her inflatable raft, knowing nobody would bother her in the middle of the pool, that's where she was wrong. I didn't know Master could backstroke, anyways, he offered to teach her how to swim. She said he would be the last person besides the Nazis and Vatican agents whom she'd entrust her life. Not like she had a choice. Poor Sir Integra, master truly took advantage of them being in public. However her harassment had a positive effect, by the end of that day she could paddle on her own. I think I'd also be a fast to learn, if my only salvation (the inflatable raft) was snatched from beneath me, thus leaving me to deal with 7 ft of water beneath on my own.

4 – Cannonballs

Unlike his godmother, Adam felt like a fish in water. I had loads of fun with him – especially in the speed-slides, I wonder how he always managed to be faster than me. When I asked him, he said he was full of beans. I truly don't know whether to take it literally or not, I d better ask Walter, he's the one in charge of cooking. We stopped at a restaurant to get Adam something to eat, however we soon withdrew, when Sir Integra saw the way Master looked at ketchup, I was starting to feel hungry myself.

Anyways, it was a tiring day, sir Integra said it was the last time she went anywhere with Alucard, she almost fell asleep at the wheel, when Master offered to drive, she said something like "when two Sundays come together".

Adam fell asleep when we were heading home, it was well past dinner time, I'm quite tired myself. I wonder what Master and Adam are doing now, I remember them walking off together, saying something about tasks. Ooh I don't know, they've neen acting strange lately. Anyway I'm so sad, I got to know that Adam would be leaving us soon. I'll miss him, truly, all I can do is just hope he'll come once again.

Yawn, Ok it is a time when all good draculinas got some well-deserved beauty sleep.

* * *

This is it, I promise to uprate more often from now. You can sew me or hate me by all your heart, but I like experimenting with styles and I have become a bit different person so, cope with it or dont bother. 


End file.
